The crystal stars are all over my hair
I hear the waves crashing against the shore
The pinch-like feeling in my heart
They remind me that I don’t matter
There’s a sea of stars above
Each of them bigger than us 
Their brilliance mocks me
We are nothing but a speck of dust…


There are mornings when I wake up and wonder if it really happened at all. Or a humid summer night when I can’t recall how you look as you give me a toothy smile while you’re driving. Maybe one of these days, I will not be able to remember how my name sounds like when you pronounce it. When I start to feel this way, I open my pandora’s box and look at the proof that you existed. The happiness, the chaos, and the insanity. You were here. You may have left, but your memories are still here. You are with me, wherever I go.


Making sense of what I feel is like figuring out unrolled threads of different colors; you don’t know where a certain color starts and ends.
There is anger, pain, grief, regret…
And tons of other adjectives that is synonymous to losing you.
I will never ran out of words to describe how each and every day is never the same without you.


“Where are you?”

Then you’d send a picture to prove that you’re indeed home. I’ve collected a couple of your selfies with your watch in your face, love. You look so adorable in all of them. I wonder, did you send these photos to them too?

Lullabies: Losing You by Lang Leav

I used to think I couldn’t go a day without your smile. Without telling you things and hearing your voice back.
Then, that day arrived and it was so damn hard but the next was harder. I knew with a sinking feeling it was going to get worse, and I wasn’t going to be okay for a very long time.

Because losing someone isn’t an occasion or an event. It doesn’t just happen once. It happens over and over again. I lose you every time I pick up your favorite coffee mug; whenever that one song plays on the radio, or when I discover your old t-shirt at the bottom of my laundry pile.
I lose you every time I think of kissing you, holding you, or wanting you. I go to bed at night and lose you, when I wish I could tell you about my day. And in the morning, when I wake and reach for the empty space across the sheets, I begin to lose you all over again.
Excerpts from Lullabies by Lang Leav.

Last Day

We’re both wearing our black shirt
Matching outfits, like we did on that place
Hugging in front of the mirror,
Staring at our reflection as we’re intertwined
We moved to the bed
With our fresh-from-the-shower look,
I sat in your lap and hugged you again
You captured that moment…
And as I look at our picture now,
I can see your familiar toothy-smile
Your tired and doleful eyes
Our faces showing the sleepless night we had
I have that photo etched in memory
You, enclosed in my arms
We looked happy
I was happy
You were happy too
At least, you appeared to be…


The places I’ve shared with you have turned into keys. As my feet touched the soils of Davao, I knew I despise this place now. The memories I’ve locked up keeps on playing back. It’s on the loop and all I can see is your face.